Looking back...looking forward...a life jar account

I'm sitting in our rocking chair...looking around at the half-ready state of Greyson's room...contemplating a new baby.  Thinking about how we've brought two home to this very room.  As I fold baby clothes I'm in awe of the fact that some of these little jeans and hats and shirts once fit my now 46 pound almost 5 year old!!  As I'm day dreaming Owen wanders in and in true Owen fashion assembled a stack of blocks.  The boys picked these out one afternoon while shopping.  They asked specifically to pick toys for Greyson.  I loved this request so much we couldn't help but entertain it. So anyway, it's a new toy and I had just opened it up. Owen wandered over, unstacked and then re-stacked them up, waved a ta-da, threw me a high five and left the room.  He's four.  Ta-da's and high fives are like the most awesome thing you can do with him right now!  Well so in true Cooper fashion, he came right behind his big brother a few minutes later and promptly kicked his brother's handy work right onto the floor.  He continued to kick the pieces until they resembled the kind of mess he felt they needed to be in and then threw his head back in abandon laughing like it was the coolest new joke he just told!  I stifled a giggle, tried to ignore his infectious grinning and then he left the room...leaving me alone to my thoughts once again.  What was I thinking about??  Oh yeah.  We're having another baby.  I wonder if he'll be like Owen or Cooper...they are so different from each other! Or if he'll have a whole other set of stories for me to write me about.  And oh yeah...holy moses.  Ready or not we're having another baby!

With that I knew that I wanted to jot down some thoughts for our blog.  I remembered I tried to capture some of my feelings before my kids joined the world and I called them our life jars.   So first I took a look at what I wrote as we prepared for Cooper.  Here is my life jar account from then.  I also went back one more to re-read my life jar from before Owen.  That is here.  I'm so glad I have this to look back at.  So much has happened.  I have memories of those times....but those life jar posts help to freeze pictures and moments in my mind that are clear as day even now.  So this time around...marching towards a finish line...within a week of the big day...I have lots of things swirling on my mind!  A life jar account and some reflection are most definitely in order.

Looking backward we have learned SO much.  We are so much better parents than when we started.  So much better people in general.  Children teach us selflessness and humility.  Mine have also taught me patience.  Forgiveness.  To let go of the little things.  That laughter is contagious.  That without question I would do anything to make them better, happy or get a giggle out of them.  They have reignited my imagination and creativity. They have exhausted me and pushed me to my limits. They have amazed me and humbled me because God gave them to me.  And we're just getting started on this journey together.  It's all pretty amazing really.  So looking back...I'm grateful and humble for the experiences I've had so far.  I'm also thankful for the journey...including and especially the harder parts...because they make it all that much sweeter!

Looking forward?  We are getting ready to embark on another new journey.  One that takes us from parents of 2 to parents of 3.  From a family of 4 to a family of 5.  We will now have an oldest, middle and baby to our name.  We will have single-handly created 3 tiny humans.  Amazing little creatures who like things neatly stacked and who also like things a big ol' healthy mess.  Tiny humans who pull at my heart strings every time they get a fever and wind up on the couch or stub their toes and ask me to kiss it, confiming as soon as I do, "That's better already Mom!"  Tiny humans who call us Mom and Dad...who make us a family.  Who have taken over my world so completely that when I look back on life before them, while it was pretty great...this version of my life is so much better.

And now...to get to that good ol' life jar...it took me a few days thinking on this to be able to jot it all down and capture it correctly.  What I think made it so hard is thinking on my life right now...is gosh is it full.  There is so much to include to be sure it captures it all.  Gosh is it colorful.  Gosh its crazy.  But also so good!!  We also sprinkled a little sadness into this one as we remember losing Mike and Pap.  So maybe a little heartache is mixed into this one that wasn't in the ones before.  But it was part of our journey as the Linley 4.  We buried a father and grandpa. And we will carry them forward with us as important memories to share with our kids.  But as far as remembering this time as the four of us? This jar is a good one!  Our best yet ;)  It's full of laughter, boo-boos and band-aids, time-outs and I'm sorrys.  It's full of race cars.  Sweaty curls on summer days. Tricycle and Bike riding.  Park visits.  Popsicles shaped like crayons and fudge ones too. Bath times with glow sticks and bubbles.  Living room dance parties at the end of Wreck it Ralph.  There are triumphs (Owen and I survived a two week course surrounding Autism) and failures (learning to say sorry and move on from tough days).  There are traditions taking shape around the holidays.  Crafting and creating together.  Owen standing on a stool and helping me cook.  Christmas tree getting...trick or treating as Buzz Lightyear and Jake and the Neverland pirates.  There is dress up in general.  Overall silliness that never seems to find an end because I live with little boys. Nightly drag races around the circle in our house that envitibly end up with a crashed forehead.   There is dinner table farting...and also dinner table burping.  There is singing, dancing and general household mayhem that I can't even put into words but consumes my life on a daily basis.  This life jars holds a two year old who makes us laugh LONG after his head has hit the pillow.  A 5 year old who melts your heart with his lovable hugs and I love ya Mom's.  Brothers who hug in the morning and say....I so glad to see you and miss each other when they are apart.  There are big squeezes and kisses at bedtime.  There is the Sandra Boyton's "Going to Bed Story" every night...recited from memory by Jeremy or I.  There was our first family vacation to the beach.  The boys first taste of the ocean...swimming and adventuring with our family.  This life jar made us an uncle and aunt. We've been blessed with more little wonderful lives to love on and boy has that been a whole new world of fun!  In this life jar too if I think on my marriage?  Wow what a team we've become. There were lots of late working hours...a home renovation that made everything a little bit tougher on us...but we've come out of it so much stronger.  There was a trip to Gulf Shores just the two of us that I know I'll never forget.  That trip held exploring, drinking, relaxing and watching the big beautiful ocean roll in till dark.  Our life jar these last two and a half years has been good.  So very good!  Full of strong lessons.  Full of love.  Taught us about ourselves.  Just as before, I'm blessed for all the pieces that fill it up.   And I'm ready to shelf this beautiful one and start a whole new jar...carrying on everything from this point into a new space...one with Greyson's stories to include.  Another set of 10 fingers and 10 toes to include.  A new person to get to know and love.

Thank you God for this family's blessings and all the wonderful things we've gotten to experience.  And the promise of more of the same wonderful things ahead.  Help us as we prepare for Greyson's arrival.  Keep us safe and send love and thanks for all of those people supporting us and loving on us as we transition through this next chapter!!

January 15th...here we come!  Ready or not :)