A circus...

Right now if you asked me...I'd tell you that my life somewhat...or in most ways, resembles a circus.  There are rarely any moments of quiet contemplation.  When I find a rare one I am so tired I often don't accomplish much.  Most days it's a feat in itself if I manage to shower, dress, feed and get through the handful of hours I'm alone tackling all 3 kiddos that take up residence here.  On rare days I find extra energy and motivation...I catch up laundry, empty the dishwasher...even manage to scrub my toilets and swap our the towels on our towel rack...all while prepping a meal or two ahead and making headway on our to-do list of super fun adult tasks like ordering a new red card and planning out meals and making appointments.  I do not want a super star award for these things.  It's my life.  I set the pace and the expectations for myself.  No one else.  I struggle to find a balance between keeping house and keeping the animals contained everyday.  And I love the challenge and the chaos of balancing it all (most days!)...and will admit that some of those motivated days, it's a bit of a thrill to feel that adrenaline rush and knock things out.  But as I said...those are the rare days.

Most days I'm cleaning up messes, kissing boo boos and trying to remember what time I last gave Greyson a bottle because he's screaming and two and a half/three hours couldn't have possibly gone by already.  Why are my dishes still dirty, laundry unfolded and the goal of doing an ABC activity with Owen undone.  Then I remember that I got about 5 hours of sleep the night before...took Owen to school and picked him up with two extra littles in tow.  I ran a couple errands but mostly just got us together, out the door back, and then back in and again back out the door and back again...again...again.  When we get home it's lunch time for all...and by the time lunch is ready...I'm so wiped that I have zero motivation.  I also spend a ton of brain power on trying to make sure I'm helping give Owen the necessary prediction he needs to get through an afternoon...dealing with the mystery of why Cooper dumped half the bottle of bubble bath out of the cart and onto our package of bottled water all while screaming because we didn't spend enough time looking at fish while I'm putting toilet paper and Downy into the cart...and oh yeah  he didn't want to come to Walmart anyway...so there Mommy. I told you!!  Right now, most days leave me exasperated, exhausted and not quite as fulfilled a parent as I'd like.  But right now is still very new.  3 kids, 5 and under for about 3 months now. It's a new juggle that I'm just learning how to do...how to thrive and succeed in.

So right now...it is a circus.  I'm not reading enough to my kids...they aren't eating enough healthy foods as they should be (how dare we pump them full of processed foods or gasp McDonalds!)...Cooper probably needs to be getting potty trained as we speak...and Owen? I spent a whole afternoon this week reciting a social story  with him about not kicking our friends when they don't want to share...because...you guessed it.  He kicked a friend for that very reason.  Sigh.

BUT the kids are bathed (most days!).  They have their favorite popsicles in the fridge and we eat one almost every day. There is a basket of crafts and playdoh that we get out on rainy days.  The house isn't spotless but it's covered in kiddo colored papers and currently Easter decorations that I love but do also because the boys think it's fun.  We take glow stick baths and are members at the Zoo...promising a whole summer of trips to see animals and breathe in that stinky zoo air and ride the train.  Last weekend we bought bird seed and the boys have been helping us feed them.  We look out the porch windows and talk about all the birds we see on our feeders. At the end of the day Owen almost always asks to have dinner picnics on the living room floor with a movie...something I started on nights when Daddy has to work late that has become a fun little thing we do. So while I could sit and tell you that our life is full of nothing but circus type moments....and maybe even at the moment we are chaulk full of "holy shit Jer you won't believe what Cooper did" or "holy shit WHY are you not home it's like a war zone in this house" moments...there is the beautiful, beautiful rest of it.  The part that I love more than life itself.  The snuggles, the curly headed, pj-clad wake ups.  The train rides at the zoo.  The bedtime stories and bubbles in our bath.  We are making memories in between the chaos.  And it's crazy and it's hard right now.  But it's also good.  Really good.

So all of this is to say...there are blog posts coming.  And at some point I am going to fold blogging back into my routine.  I miss it and my family memories are slipping away from me as I type this instead of document Greyson's 3 Month stats because before I even hit save on this post I know someone is going to be at my feet in need of milk...or a time out for smacking his brother's face for the 3rd time in a row.  But the blog posts are in my head, on my cameras in pictures and I'm gonna get back to it.  Sooner rather than later!  Until then...I've got a circus calling me...wish me luck!!