He's All Set

I haven't blogged in just about two months to the day...and I could spend some time getting into the reasonings I think that has happened to me...but that is for another post. Right now, all the other updates that are in work are being put aside.  They are coming.  I am not letting myself off the hook.  I need to share our amazing summer and all the things the boys and I did together.  It was just that.  Amazing.  We had so much awesome fun. We seized the day.  Every day of this summer was chalk full of adventures if there were any at all to be had.  But again.  That is for another post.  Or several other posts actually.  Today is about Owen.  And his next big step.  Kindergarten.  He's ready.  Oh man is he ready.

His backpack is here...complete with his initials and a little baseball patch he picked out all on his own.  We got him a cool new lunch box too.  Also with his name embroidered on the front.   His school supplies got dropped off last night as we saw his classroom and met his teachers.  He has his own cubby with an elephant on top and his name underneath.  His school days are here.   They are really happening.  The real deal school days.  With lunch boxes and cafeterias and pencil boxes and crayons and libraries and teachers and...the list goes on.  And like I said...he is ready.   He has asked every day for a couple weeks now when school started.  Yesterday he asked all day when Grandma was coming so we could go visit his new school.  He is so darn excited he can't hardly sit still when he talks about it.

So why aren't I?  Usually his enthusiasm spills over and fills me up too.  But this?  I can't share with him.  All I keep thinking about is the pit in my stomach.  The what if's.  The things I can't even bring myself to type up because well...it hurts too much to think them out loud.  Doing so makes it hurt worse.  This little boy that I love more than life itself.  Who has been through hell and back learning to talk and whose journey learning is just beginning...who loves school and life more than any kid I know...what if all this changes him?  I guess I should say...how will all this change him?  And how is it that I've agreed to let someone else take care of him for so many hours in a day.  WHY do we do this??  There is so much trust in people I don't know at all.  It's scary.  And right now...that's the only place my head can go.  I know there will be amazing experiences and learning and growing and fun.  But for now I hurt for the baby I'm letting go.  The first of so many bittersweet changes that life throws our way as we learn to let our kids fly free.  Wow it is powerfully hard to do.

Most importantly though I just want Owen to know how loved he is.  How much I admire his beautiful spirit.  How much I'll miss the time at home we won't get to spend.  How proud I am of the kid he is becoming.  How his Dad and I will be there every.single.step of the way without fail.  We love you buddy.  Go rock Kindergarten little mister.  I already know you are going to so here goes nothing!!