Bare with me. The following post is lengthy. Given my pregnancy hormones and need to express myself through writing...this post grew to greater lengths than I meant for it to.
Yesterday was the first day of 39th week of pregnancy. Exactly one week from today is Baby Linley's official 40 week due date. I’m not sure if it is the impending birth of our first child that has me all jazzed up…or if it’s simply just the things that have been going on with us lately! Either way...I have a ton on my mind. And that being said...I wanted to list/decompress all of the things that just keep randomly raging through my brain at random times.
Tax Returns – we’re still waiting on our return from State of Missouri. Why does it take the state a month to send us our money, but if we owed them money, we’d be getting harassing phone calls by now?
Leave Pay – I’ve been on the phone everyday since I returned to work trying to make sure my insurance has all the paperwork they need. Every time I talk to someone else, they need a new piece of paperwork. The best part: today the story is…we need a document stating that you can return to work at full capacity. Mind you, Dr. Talsky already signed paperwork stating I could return to work on March 6th and faxed it to the insurance company last week. However, since he did not put the date on the paperwork next to his signature of when he signed the paperwork, they need another form filled out and sent into them. You have to be kidding me??? Luckily the leave was approved and that allows the company to pay me regardless of whether the leave is closed out or not. Thank Goodness! Hopefully one final piece of paperwork will be all they need and I can focus on my upcoming maternity leave.
Magazine Hate Mail – I was signed up for two free issues of Parenting Magazine while shopping at Motherhood Maternity. I never said I wanted to keep the magazine as a permanent part of our monthly reading list. Apparently you don't have to sign up. They take it upon themselves! Before I even recieved my second magazine, I got a bill. I have since gotten 3 pieces of mail stating I needed to remit payment for my subscription to Parenting magazine. I ignored the first 2 because I thought, I never signed up for this…I’m not paying for it. They must just be trying to make a reader out of me. Yesterday, the third piece of mail came…and it sent me through the roof. It stated that this was the third time they had tried to retain payment from me and I had not complied. In order to keep my subscription in good status, I need to send payment
immediately. I
immediately called and yelled at the first person I came into contact with asking them to remove me from the list. I certainly didn’t appreciate being made to feel like I agreed to a subscription I wasn’t willing to pay for and somehow now I owed them money and my account was deliquent. Please don’t bully me into buying a magazine. Luckily I was able to have everything cancelled and she told me she was very sorry. Again…thank Goodness!
39 Weeks and counting – A few weeks back I thought we might just have a baby by now. Now, I’m starting to think we’re going to miss our March 25th due date and end up with an induction. I’m trying very hard to stay as positive as possible about everything! I know things could be so much harder. I know my pregnancy has been unbelievably amazing, but at nearing 10 months of supporting another life, the hormones, the swelling, and all the strange changes I’ve watched my body go through, I’m ready for pregnancy to be over and for our baby to be here!
What a baby means for us - I've said for a few weeks now that Baby Linley can join us anytime. We're ready. We have bags packed and the nursery is all fixed up. We even have 8 frozen meals neatly stacked in our deep freeze with reheating instructions written on top just in case we're not the ones putting them in the oven. We're stocked on diapers, wipes and everything else. But that covers the physical basics. Emotionally I'm just as ready to meet our baby and start our family. But there are so many questions running through my mind. Are we going to be good parents? Our marriage is strong and we are a good team. But as parents...will we be what our kids need? Another question - how will this new addition to the family add to our family dynamics? Who will the baby look like, talk like, act like? I can't wait for Jer to have a conversation with our child where they use logic to back their way out of trouble. Something Jer is famous for doing to me. Will we raise them right? I want us to raise a kind, caring person who is smart like Jer and maybe has some of my creativity. I think knowing the kind of person you want to raise is the first important step, but the actual act of raising that person is a whole other ballgame! We have such a massively amazing adventure in front of us. I can't imagine taking it on with anyone but my husband. But regardless, part of me is just the tiniest bit nervous about what's to come and all the new changes headed our way!
Strangeness - I realized yesterday I haven't carried my planner with me in weeks. Since being off for pre-term labor, my schedule has become focused on taking care of myself and the baby first, everything else second. The strangeness is that the planner used to be attached to my hip. I purposely bought bigger purses so I could carry my planner with me everywhere. It was full of post-it notes, lists, reminders, bills to mail, etc. Most of the time when I opened it, 5 things came tumbling out and I remember yet another thing that had lapsed my mind on my to-do list. The strangest thing about all of it is, I was sure I'd miss it if it somehow wasn't there. A full planner and a busy scheduled signified success to me. At this point, I know one day the planner will fill back up with play dates, soccer games, and everyone elses busyness. But my prayer is, I don't go back to the same level of busyness I once had. I've felt more peace and calm in my life in the past few weeks than I ever thought possible. I've had time to watch some fun TV shows, read nearly an entire book in just a week, blog and take pictures of my growing belly, enjoy days at the park with my friends and husband. I've truly enjoyed the strange quietness that the planner never seemed to afford me. What a strange strange feeling.
Waiting - I had no idea not knowing when the baby would come would drive me so crazy. The whole thought process of "the baby could come at any minute", yet nothing seems to be happening is making me anxious and ansy. It brings up more questions about what I'll be going through...when it'll all finally start...how it will all happen (c-section, induction, etc). I'm nervous and have come to realize...I suck at waiting!
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