An Interesting Wednesday...

This Wednesday, Jeremy, Owen and I all made our first trip together to Children's Hospital as a family of 3.  I spent most of the time leading up to it, sick to my stomach and filled with dread...and when I tell you why, you will think I'm a big fat baby. But, we're talking about my baby here. So baby or not, I worried.

At a recent doctor's visit, Owen's pediatrician told us that she noticed his right eye turning in.  Rather than say...I think your child may be developing a cross-eyed condition, she (thankfully) simply named off a term called esotropia and gave me a number to a Pediatric Opthomologist (I do not like spelling that word!).  I wasn't exactly sure what I thought about the whole thing, but when I called the number and the St. Louis Children's Hospital Eye Center answered, my stomach became a permanent knot.  Luckily...it only had to stay that way for less than a week. 

After talking to a few people, I felt good about what our experience would be and I calmed myself down a bit.  It was just an eye exam right?  He was in a great place to be looked at right?  Somehow those things didn't help calm my nerves more than slightly.  But, I'm a big kid.  And I never want Owen to fear something simply because I, or we, as his parents do.  So I prayed that morning before stepping out of the shower, for me to find a smile and laugh for my little boy.  I didn't want him to sense my nervousness.  Now, again, I will say, I know I was being a bit of a baby. People find themselves at Children's for so many serious and devastating things.  If you've read along with me...you will find that I can sometimes let my brain get the better of me.  This situation was no different...if not worse simply because we were talking about our child.  I could not help the thoughts that ran through my mind about what they could tell us or what I would possibly see on our visit OR most importantly what Owen would experience.   Horrible things that I will not get into, crossed my mind.  But in a weird way I think all the worrying helped me because when we marched into the office, I felt like I could handle whatever they were going to tell us, even if the news wasn't the greatest.

The office was packed!  But there were tons of toys and things to distract Owen...at least for a little while.  We were taken back to a room on "Eye Lane, Room 5" and saw someone who did an initial look and took care of dialating Owen's pupils. This doctor told us that he definitely saw something there and asked if we noticed it in both eyes, which we had. After that we were instructed to wait for 30 to 40 minutes.  We played, wandered the hospital and played some more.  Finally after what seemed like an eternity we went to another room on Eye Lane and saw another physician.  I held Owen in a chair and had to restrain him so the doctor could get several readings and calibrations from tools.  There were lights and flashy things and several serious fits of unhappiness.  But he got what he needed. This doctor told us that what he saw appeared to be mild to moderate and that "The Chief" would have to make a call on whether or not Owen needed a muscle procedure or not.  So we sat again and waited for "The Chief" to come in and give his official diagnosis. 

While we waited Owen got to watch a clip of Elmo in Grouchland, eat a Nutrigrain Bar and then watch a clip from The Incredibles. He liked that!  "The Chief" finally made his way into our room and began examining Owen.  Owen got extrememly upset and wouldn't cooperate.  The next thing I know, we're being told "Let's go into another room."  The room we followed him into had a table and lots and lots of instruments.  I had a small panic attack and minor melt down in my head...luckily I played my Poker Face so no one saw it! (You can insert a sarcastic eye roll here b/c I have zero ability to leave any emotion off my face when I feel it) Jer (always my touch of humor in serious situations...one of the things I LOVE about him) looked at Owen and said..."Uh Oh buddy.  I think we're getting put on lock down!"  And sure enough.  An entourage of about 3 or 4 folks came wandering in.  They had a nurse at the head of the bed, one doctor over one side, another on the other, then me and Jer in the mix somewhere.  I was asked to put the back of my arms across Owen's belly and hold him tightly.  He could, we were told, kick his feet at much as he wanted. There is just something about forcibly holding down your child that I cannot handle.  And of course, our wild child isn't the type to sit still!  So needless to say there were more than one set of tears shed in the exam room, BUT, our son is in fact not cross-eyed.  So there will be no need for procedures or other worries!  He IS however, already near-sighted. So much so his vision has been changing nearly since birth.  So, he is headed towards glasses in the future.  We go back to Children's next September to have him examined again...and I'm thinking we may be getting him fitted for his first pair of specs then.  I hate that I have passed on my poor vision genes to our little boy (Jer also has near-sightness...if that's a word)...but I am soooo thankful that his vision troubles are simple and easy to fix.  Answered prayers are amazing...and somehow I keep having blessing poured out to me, even though I don't deserve them!

Our visit to Children's was an eye-opening experience for a number of reasons.  But I have never felt more gratitude and thankfulness for our healthy little boy, than I did in that very moment that I stepped through the doors of the hospital. At every turn there were children with machines hooked to them, parents giving blood for who knows what, and special fitted chairs to allow children to sit up right and pump oxygen to their poor little bodies.  What an amazing gift it is to have a healthy happy child.  If glasses is our biggest hurdle with our son, I'll never ever count my blessings more!