Speaking of the backyard escape...

One Friday night we were sitting out back after Owen was down for the night. A cool breeze had picked up and we were relaxing and enjoying our new space. It was just me, Jer, Deci and some fireflies.  After we’d been sitting outside for a bit, Jer ran inside to get something, a beer, a beer making kit...I'm still not quite sure what he was doing.  Regardless, he was gone for quite a little while. I sat outside waiting for his return. At first I just admired the breeze and enjoyed the fireflies. But then something started my brain’s crank to turning. Before the thoughts could surface very far I told myself…No silly. You are a big girl. You can certainly handle sitting in the dark. Next to our neighbor’s jungle. Alone. Ok sure…the jungle has more overgrown vegetation than a forest has, but that’s ok. It’s all good. Breathe. Enjoy the peaceful serenity. Chirp chirp chirp. I listened as crickets were going. Locusts were going. And so were my thoughts. Ok brain…you are correct…his yard has vines from one end of the yard to the next. Yes there are all manner of bugs, snakes and frog current reside over there. Ok AND it is pitch black…even during the day. But you are fine. So I continued this self monologue for awhile. And it worked. For awhile. But then I began to let the real fear creep in. Fear of what you might ask? Oh I don’t know…maybe that someone could drag me off into said vegetation and it’d take days to find my body. Or that someone was sitting there watching me and it may not be tonight…but another night when my husband just so happens to be gone…and I am all alone in the house with Owen. That that night they would come looking for me. You get the idea. Irrationality can sometimes invade my thoughts, just in case that wasn’t clearly stated in the above mentioned monologue. Then I heard a few snaps and rattles amongst the vines to my right. And suddenly the fear turned into panic. What am I talking about? Suddenly I was a little more like panic stricken. I decided I MUST immediately go inside…find Jeremy and demand to know what the $&*%& he was doing. Beers take 30 seconds to grab!  So I ran for the door and pulled on the knob. My turning motion was rejected as the realization hit me that the porch door was locked. My fear only worsened as I realized that not only was the porch door locked, so was every other door in the house. The house was completely locked up. My garage door opener was staring at me from inside a locked car door and the keys to unlock that door sat right next to my house keys. Inside. So I had no way to get in. None! CRAP!!! My interior monologue began again. Breathe. You’re being irrational. Breathe.  With no other choice I sat down on our patio…this space is well removed from the woods/jungle area. I also told Deci to keep her eye out and be a good guard dog. As if by some miracle, we left our radio out on the table. So I turned on the radio and just tried to keep calm. At least our neighbors garage cast some light on me. And at least Deci wasn’t barking obnoxiously (she does this often) to add to my fear. My behavior was ridiculous. I knew that then and I know it now! But I couldn’t help it! I didn’t even go back to the table for my frosty delicious beer that had been sitting there. I abandon it and my cozy chair and lovely pillow to sit nervously alone on the patio waiting for Jer to return. And few minutes (hours!) later Jer re-appeared and when I regaled him with my tale…do you know what he did? He laughed his butt off. IT IS NOT FUNNY! And I told him this several times to no avail. It was funny...I guess. Now. That’s it’s daylight and days later. And he made sure to tell me just how funny he thought it was! Anyway…we’ll see how he does the next time he is stranded in the dark alone next to a black forest like mass. Give it a try. I double dog dare you!!!