Deep Breaths

Deep Breaths...
This week began a whole new chapter for me...I've started school again. Cue sad melodramatic music and enter a picture of a tearful me. I haven't taken classes since October of last year...when I was pregnant. I decided while I was pregnant that to relieve any undue stress, I would stop taking class. After dealing with a tearful Monday morning of leaving Owen, I wished I would have taken at least one more term worth of schooling. But I didn't. And it wouldn't have really mattered. This still would have been hard. And the bottom line is that this is where I am. Two days a week for the next 16 weeks (only 15 now), I'm leaving my baby boy at 6:30 or 7am and will not be seeing him until the next morning or possibly afternoon. Why am I doing this you might wonder? What sane mother would? Well I have 4 classes left for the completion of my degree in Business Management. I'm so excited at the prospect of finally completing this goal for myself that every time I think about it, I literally feel a weight lift off my shoulders. Regardless of my goal, of my achievement, of my dedication...that doesn't make the process any easier. I've said many times I do not deserved sympathy over this. I could take fewer classes and spread things out a little more. I could give up my goal and not finish my schooling. I could change a lot of things. But I'm trying to do what's right for me and for my family. The sooner I finish, the sooner I'll have other job opportunities that can potentially bring me closer to home, the sooner Jer can begin master's work he's been putting off for the sake of my own education, the easier it'll be to say to Owen that education is important. The prouder I'll be of my accomplishments. I'm filled with so many mixed emotions. Will people think I'm selfish for taking 2 nights a week for 16 weeks away from my son and family? Will Owen and I loose the connection we currently have b/c of the distance? Will I be able to handle it 3 weeks in without backing out of my decision all together?? Will my degree really make a difference in the long run? Is it worth it? What if I don't do it? Will I regret my choices? I know I will. Finishing my schooling is like a nagging tug in the back of my head every time I think about it. In the same breath that I'm dreading the time away from Owen, I'm aching for the nagging to stop. For it to be finished. For me to see myself through on a goal I started nearly 4 years ago. So in the coming weeks, if you think of the Linley Family 3, please say a prayer. Something simple and small will do just fine. So this week I took it one hour at a time, one thing at a time, one breath at a time. I'm guessing this coming week will be same way. Hopefully soon, I'll find myself in a routine and motivated...AND yet another week closer to my goal. Today is Friday and marks 1 down...15 to go. For right now though...it's just one deep breath after another.