I can't believe...

it's been a week since Owen's birthday and his big first birthday party, and I haven't posted a single blog about it!  I think that just proves where life has been for us lately.  I haven't posted an update on Jeremy's Dad in a little while, but I talked about it here.  April also talked about it here.  Well the recovery is taking quite a bit longer than originally anticipated.  He has gone from Barnes to rehab, back to Barnes, back to rehab, back to Barnes again, and is now at rehab (again, again).  So you might wonder, how we are doing?  Well, I will try to keep it short and sweet.  Although, short for me isn't really that short...but I'll try!

On a selfish note, it's not been easy.  I'm starting to feel the stress of everything b/c this situation has brought countless evenings alone doing the single parent thing.  The house, the bills, the appointments, and most importantly our child.  And while I try to look at it as a blessing that I have a distraction from sitting in hospital waiting rooms and just waiting in general, it's tough for me at times.  I want to be there.  I want to let Jonnie and Jackie and Stacey and Mike know that I'm here to lean on.  But Jer and I also have Owen.  Owen who is not allowed on Mike's hospital floors (which he's been on several), though we've taken him twice anyway.  Owen who got sick after his first visit, and has made us very leery to take him back but only one other time.  Owen who is at a very fun stage right now, and not only am I exhausted and lonely for my husband, but Jer is missing the little fun things Owen is doing every day.

On the other side of the coin, I have family that I love who is suffering and putting in those long days at the hospital, sitting in waiting rooms and helping Mike through all of this. And that is a much harder task than the one I've been assigned with in terms of being with Owen while Jer is gone.  It's really not at all difficult to be Owen's Mom and hang out with my son.  My little amazing, happy, dancy one year old who with one smile can melt my heart...I get to hang out with him and have some serious one on one time.  Hard work right?  When I compare that to seeing Mike in a hospital bed every day...it makes me feel horrible for even thinking about what I'm going through in terms of loneliness and feeling the panges of single parenthood.  B/c at least I still get to be happy. I am, in a way, seperated from it.  Watching Mike struggle...that's just so much harder.  I can't imagine myself in any of their shoes day in and day out, especially Stacey.  I think about having Jer be gone for this long. To come home to an empty house and know he's still at the hospital fighting his way to getting better.  I just admire her strength and her attitude.  It's been so positive.  And she still checks on us. God forbid I ever go through something like this, I hope that I am able to recall all of her positive energy and try to be the same way.  Stacey I hope you know how strong you are.

In some way, I hope that my being away from it more than the rest of the family allows me clarity and less exhaustion than my husband. So when he comes home I am able to be a good listener.  That on Monday nights I have the energy to make sure the trash gets emptied and makes it out for pick up the next day.  I hope I am able to be the sounding board Jeremy needs and that though our marriage is being tested, we can hold onto our love and remember to hold onto each other.  At least that's one semi-positive thing about all of this and my place in it.

So anyway, how are we doing?  Ok.  That's about all I can say for now.  Luckily with Owen's birthday party and Easter two weekends in a row, we have at least have had some happy to look forward to.  And we'll take happy anyway we can get it.

Love you all my Linley Crew.

Oh...and posts about Owen's birthday are coming soon.  We got so many great pictures it's just gonna take awhile to load and organize my thoughts!